As I write this, I am completely questioning my own sanity. I am a person who is terrified of anybody thinking anything negative about me, constantly worried about what people say, and tend to shy away from anything that may be seen as ‘putting myself out there’. Not ideal really. Generally growing up, I had reasonable levels of confidence. However, attending university and meeting certain people who trampled on any confidence I had has really brought my self esteem to an all time low. I was pressured into acting like my housemates, who I naively thought were my best friends, and my lack of confidence meant that I didn’t do the things I really wanted to, something that has carried through my time at university and prevented me from feeling as though I ever fit in. As my self esteem levels shrank, I gained more weight which definitely has not helped. I have had issues with numerous friendships, some my fault and others not. I have compared myself to everyone around me, and felt inferior to anyone I came into contact with.
My intention in writing this blog is to force myself to ‘put myself out there’. I hope that by making myself commit to this, I will stick to it, and that in turn will help me to feel more confident in myself. I am challenging myself to stop caring about what others think about me, to stop worrying about whether they think I’m ridiculous. This will probably be difficult for me at first as no doubt people will have an opinion me doing this, however I think it is important for me to enable myself to realise that no matter how boring my life may seem, or how average I am, I am still important and I still matter.
I am hoping that this insight into my very average life provides some source of entertainment for you, whoever you are.