What on earth am I doing?

As I write this, I am completely questioning my own sanity. I am a person who is terrified of anybody thinking anything negative about me, constantly worried about what people say, and tend to shy away from anything that may be seen as ‘putting myself out there’. Not ideal really. Generally growing up, I had reasonable levels of confidence. However, attending university and meeting certain people who trampled on any confidence I had has really brought my self esteem to an all time low. I was pressured into acting like my housemates, who I naively thought were my best friends, and my lack of confidence meant that I didn’t do the things I really wanted to, something that has carried through my time at university and prevented me from feeling as though I ever fit in. As my self esteem levels shrank, I gained more weight which definitely has not helped. I have had issues with numerous friendships, some my fault and others not. I have compared myself to everyone around me, and felt inferior to anyone I came into contact with.

My intention in writing this blog is to force myself to ‘put myself out there’. I hope that by making myself commit to this, I will stick to it, and that in turn will help me to feel more confident in myself. I am challenging myself to stop caring about what others think about me, to stop worrying about whether they think I’m ridiculous. This will probably be difficult for me at first as no doubt people will have an opinion me doing this, however I think it is important for me to enable myself to realise that no matter how boring my life may seem, or how average I am, I am still important and I still matter.

 

I am hoping that this insight into my very average life provides some source of entertainment for you, whoever you are.

Francesca xxx

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Author: francescambowers

22 years old, Dance Education graduate. I like beauty, skincare, food, dance, and Disney.

5 thoughts on “What on earth am I doing?”

  1. I think you just need to be patient with yourself. We are rarely exactly what we want to be and just by living, our self-esteem can get chipped off from experiences. I am sure anyone who knows the real you could list 100 things they do look up to about you. While knowing you are pretty awesome, you can continue to try and improve?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is so nice!! I do agree I think it’s just that over the last couple of years there have been many circumstances that have affected my self esteem more than I ever thought. So this is the beginning of me taking steps to improve whilst celebrating the fact that my life is wonderful and it’s okay to improve myself, rather than always being concerned about others opinions😊

      Liked by 1 person

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